Just repeating my stand again, Iam not a blogger/writer.Then why am I scribbling? I guess because I was and Iam irritated/ angry today and normally watching anything on my phone ( friends, netflix or amazon) does bring me back to my mood it hasnt till now.So I thought I will scribble again ..

I was diagnosed in Aug 2017 and it took me a couple of months to accept it , after that the depression part did not affect me.Does it now? Maybe it does. Am i irritated , angry and in a shouting mode as I am under steriods on and off? Yes Iam not denying it.Iam not a fool.But why I reacted today was because I felt sad that many did not understand me (still).What Iam going through and what I expect .Iam not comparing my life with anyone,or telling anyone that I suffer more, Iam only expecting empathy not sympathy.

I have reached a stage where I dont think what others did to hurt me mentally or physically ( not many present),I sometimes feel I should have reacted when my life was odd and others had no issues so strange and difficult like mine. When I hear stories /issues/problems others talk of in their life, I find it funny not that I hate their small issues, I laugh at my earlier state and how I reacted to it. But I live my life now, Iam not bothered what others think about me ,not bothered what they classify me – good/ bad/ neutral..

And to close my current blog my reason for this blog

1) My memory loss of names have graduated from names to noun,pronoun,adjectives and I dont know what more.For eg: When I see a chocolate cake I know its that, I dont get the name maybe later I do or sometimes I dont.Thanks to google I type and find out most words .So how is it to express yourself with google? I hope I dont reach there soon.

2) I was asked to read more , to study word names I forget and see if it works.So my attempt at writing to see if I remember words.

3)I had hair loss due to my chemo so made it bald.(3rd bald look so does it affect me mentally?).I guess no I dont react and my son doesnt find it different ,he has seen me in wigs , bald look and in real hair.

Its hard to accept reality at times, when you read or hear news about others as well, cancer is a different disease and reacts differently .I guess now people have realised more that life is different , not as planned in the current scenario situations but we still have to move on…

I realised in normal life we tend to forget what talents and benefits we possess, until you reach the new normal life .I repeat the same sentence again Enjoy your life , dont miss the good life !

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